Life is what you make it and you just have to go with whatever it throws at you. It's safe to say that mine is a roller coaster ride of emotions so far and this weekend has been no exception. I just have to keep on smiling and take everything positive and grow myself on that. I refuse to go back to the way I've been even with setbacks.
The last Sunday in January and I was struggling to think of a pic for Sinful Sunday, then the prompt appeared for Five Things - January The Longest Month and I finally had a hook.
January is normally a slow month with year end bits at work, updating bits for the upcoming year and a birthday near the end of the month. Generally an easy month pulling out of the post holiday slump. This year fate had other ideas and decided I should be on a roller coaster ride from the onset.
An easy start for the first couple of days and then the roller coaster ride began on the Friday. Late in the afternoon I received an unexpected teams call from my manager. She was letting me know that she had handed in her retirement notice, this was not totally unexpected as the past couple of years have been difficult and the frequency of her frustrations had been increasing. During the ensuing discussion I received a message on Bumble inviting me out for a drink from a lady I'd been chatting with since November. Despite only having been on 2 dates I knew I liked her and wanted to see how things progressed, so I confirmed back that I'd love to and we arranged the date.
After the weekend I was on 2 roller coaster rides. The first is a ride using my experience already gained in my job to continue what I love and take over as much as I can handle from my manager. She's prepared me for this over the almost 10 years I've worked with her in our 2 person team. It's daunting and I have my doubts at times but I know I can only do my best.
The second roller coaster is the one that scares me the most. Since the Friday I have been on several dates with the lady and we are still keeping things casual while we decide where we want to take things. I'm happy with this arrangement for the moment but I'm struggling with my emotions. Due to prior arranged family and friend events I've hardly seen her during the past 2 weekends other than a brief evening on the Friday a week ago. I want to see her more but I don't want to pressure her into anything. I'm scared I'll either come over as too pushy and over eager, only interested in one thing or not interested enough. I know that I'm doing everything right but it's a struggle when I know I like her a lot more than I can actually tell her at the moment.
So yes January has been an incredibly long and very testing month. I don't want to get off the ride but I would like to know where it's leading me.
I hate taking selfies as I struggle to smile for them. However I had an idea whilst doing yoga and taking inspiration from one of Molly's pictures I decided I should try a self portrait. Following yoga today I decided to take the following, no thrills, no toys, just me and the camera.
At the end of the year I made a promise to myself to participate in a full year of Sinful Sunday. I nearly didn't manage it as I've been so busy with changes to my work life and balancing fitness and changes in my personal life. However I came up with an idea this morning and put it into action, and then went back to sleep for another hour 😊
This past week has been full of surprises but a chance conversation and a simple comment got me thinking. At Christmas I dug out the dinner jacket I'd not worn for over 10 year, today I put on a shirt that I've not worn one since January 2020 when the pandemic was in it's early stages.
Seeing the prompt for the first Sinful Sunday in January being I wondered how I would manage to put into action an idea I'd had for a while now. I've always wanted to just lay back and be part of a sensory journey. Putting together the words was easy but the image itself required a bit of daring and experimentation. It's not perfect but neither am I.
Senses
Blindfold me so I cannot see what is coming next
Whisper in my ear the things you're going to do to me
Tease me with your hands, mouth and toys provided
Let me smell your scent and how turned on you are
Taste me as you make me cum while I do the same to you
Kiss me and share our rewards
Use my body for pleasure and surrender yourself to me
The party is over and tiredness setting in. Let me be the last thing you see before slumber finally hits and the first thing you want when you awaken.
There used to be a time when on the Saturday before Christmas I would be preparing to embark on one of the most looked forward to parties in our calendar year. The swingers club we regularly went to had their annual Christmas party/Masked Ball and was the main occasion for me to dress up in a dinner jacket. It was a fun and fairly formal affair but never over the top. I dusted out the jacket as I've not worn it now for 10 years and hopefully the result is pleasing.
In the words of Simon & Garfunkel and The Bangles - Time time time, what has become of me? - Lyrics from Hazy Shade of Winter and yes I prefer the Bangles version 😜
The two pictures are almost a year apart, the first being 20 December 2020 and the second being 12 December 2021. Not all changes are physical, but when they are they can be subtle.
When the prompt for December appeared I was pleased as I had several pictures that I'd taken previously that I hadn't used. The hardest decision was which one. Both feature colourful items but one has a more striking colour but I quickly realised it overpowers the image so I opted for the more subtle one.
I may still use the other one another time or I may redo it. Sinful Sunday has pushed me to be more creative with my personal photos and has also been very therapeutic at times.
Gather round I have a tale to tell.
In the not so distant past there was someone who overcame their shyness and gathered up the courage to be more confident. They pushed themselves to do this as they had decided to embrace the world of swinging. For several years this was great, they had a fulfilling life, with plenty of friends and a very active sex life.
One day events took place that bought their world crashing to the ground. They dusted themselves off, pushed through the pain and actually became slightly more confident but the shyness was creeping back in. However this only lasted for a couple of years before things began to falter and the confidence dwindled. Eventually they had almost reverted to their former self with one major difference, they were now on their own.
After several years in the wilderness they started taking steps to build themselves back up. Only small steps to build confidence and overcome the shyness but everyone has to start somewhere. The journey continues to this day and at times they may be vocal about their failure to progress or go quiet when they see people they've tried to flirt with having fun. Generally they spend a lot of time wondering how to find a friend with benefits, a kinky date or just playmates for some good banter and sexy times. They feel hopelessly lost at times but know there are others who make them smile and encourage them to continue.
Yes this person is me. I had the idea come to me as I roused from sleep the other morning and even then I've struggled to put the words down effectively. I'm a work in progress and still learning to love myself so someone can love me.
Sometimes I feel like hiding away behind a curtain as I struggle with trying to find kink and companionship in dating. I don't like hiding but being accepted is not easy to achieve and I wonder if I'll every find someone again without having to resort back to vanilla.
Come sin with the rest of us
After a few busy weeks where I've not been able to get out for a walk after work due to weather, mood, shopping or dad taxi I was missing the countryside.
This week I managed to get out twice and felt all the better for it. I have always enjoyed being out in the wild and I find it mentally relaxing when I most need it. And oh boy did I need it, as the pressure of working on several interlinked projects was taking it's toll.
For my second walk of the week I opted for one of the routes that has some secluded spots hoping to get some pictures and enjoy that exhibitionist/naturist streak I have. Taking inspiration from some of the excellent nature shots on last weeks themed Sinful Sunday, I found a quiet spot that allowed a view of the main path without drawing attention to what I was doing.
Shortly after I'd stopped taking pics 3 people walked along the main path and not one of them spotted me in a semi dressed state 😀
