It's been just over 2 months since I last participated in a Sinful Sunday due to varying factors. The past few months have been mentally draining and I lost the inclination or drive to do anything creative. Today I pushed myself to do something and ultimately reflect on what I can do rather than tell myself I can't.
So back at the end of August I lost the creative buzz I was exploring due to events at the time and since. I had lots of ideas and things I'd planned to do but have failed to do any of them due to this block. I'm hoping that by listing the things that have happened along with the things I'd planned to do I'll find some way back.
The last full week in August I took some much needed holiday time away from home and my first time on my own with nobody else with me. Plans were simple, meet up with a couple of people, explore the surrounding towns and just generally get out and about with my camera. Unfortunately those plans derailed the first evening and have set the tone of my mood since.
After a wonderful afternoon wandering the streets of Nottingham, drinking coffee and chatting with a twitter friend I headed to the hotel where I was staying. And so begins the derailment.
I'd only gone a few miles before I got stuck in very slow/non moving traffic due to a heavy rain storm passing through the area I was headed, this added 45 minutes onto my journey effectively doubling the time it should have taken. The storm had further consequences to my holiday unknown to me at the time but would soon make become clear.
Eventually I made it to the hotel and into my room. Due to the weather my plans for eating in the hotel were scuppered and so I had to go to the McDonalds situated just a short walk away. Before heading to eat I received a text message from the friend I was meeting the next day asking if I'd be able to help her out with a trip to urgent care as she'd slipped over in the rain earlier, managed to put her arm out to slow her fall but had landed on it awkwardly and was in some pain.
I quickly went off to get food before heading to my friend. Whilst eating my food I received a phone call from my son to let me know that one of the cats wasn't well and asking about the vet details, shortly after this I get a text saying the vet is out of hours and they are heading to the emergency vet services with the cat. Finally I finish my food and head to my friend who up until this point I've only spoken with on the phone as the plan was originally meet up for coffee on the Monday morning and then decide the day from there.
I pick my friend up and we head off to the urgent care and find they can't do x-rays after 5pm. We decide it's better to wait until the morning rather than spend a Sunday evening in A&E so we headed back and watched a film. While watching the film I received a phone call letting me know the cat was not doing well and I would need to decide on the best course of treatment, my neighbour who works at the emergency vet took over the call and filled me in on the details as to what had been happening and to wait a call from the vet who had been treating her. In one big turnaround I go from being the help and support to my friend to being the one needing the emotional support. Sadly I had to make the decision to put the cat to sleep as she really was unwell.
And so day 1 of my holiday drew to a close and other than the trip to Nottingham nothing had gone to plan. However I did get to spend some time with my friend getting to know her which was nice. Day 2 was less dramatic with most of it spent at the urgent care centre with my friend getting assessed, x-rays and finally a cast put on her arm as she had fractured it when she fell in the rain. The remainder of the day was spent watching some more films together and just ensuring my friend was comfortable.
Day 3 I took my friend into work for her shift at the Costa she worked in. It was a fairly uneventful day and I wandered around the local town whilst she worked or at least attempted to as best she could with her arm in a cast. I popped into the Costa for my lunch to see how she was doing and it was frustrating watching her struggle because the manager had insisted she come into work. When her shift was finished we headed back to hers and spent a third evening watching films together. After our final evening together we decided that we liked each other but there was no spark to pursue a relationship. I think that with everything that had gone on I was more concerned about making sure she was ok than anything else. We still chat everyday via Whatsapp and we've said we'll meet up again when I'm back in that part of the country.
The remainder of my holiday was spent wandering along the river of a local town and a canal as well. Although I managed to take pictures of the wildlife and landscape I was distracted by the events of the past few days and wasn't feeling particularly creative anymore.
Since my holiday I have bumbled my way through day to day things due to the onslaught of life catching up and knocking me for six at every opportunity. Anything from my father's myeloma flaring up, his parkinsons getting worse, my son becoming unemployed (what little time I had to myself working from home is now non-existent unless I take myself to my bedroom for peace and quiet), yet another let down and ghosting on an online dating app and finally catching up with an old friend after 27 years to discover her health is not great.
Overall I just feel helpless and completely unfocussed. I've tried to continue with planned projects (more creativity with my pics especially those for various meme blogs and also writing a product review for a Tenga product) but to no avail. The only thing I've managed was to take my friend out for a long afternoon at a seafront we used to go to back in our late teens/early twenties.
This is the first successful attempt at writing of any sort for seven weeks now. Whether it's because I'm writing on something I've experienced or going through, and despite the words flowing steadily I don't know if it's good, bad or indifferent. I want to get back to how I was during the summer but not sure when that will happen. I struggle to push my creativity at the best of times but this time I'm feeling slightly lost without it.
