January where are you leading me?

The last Sunday in January and I was struggling to think of a pic for Sinful Sunday, then the prompt appeared for Five Things - January The Longest Month and I finally had a hook.

January is normally a slow month with year end bits at work, updating bits for the upcoming year and a birthday near the end of the month. Generally an easy month pulling out of the post holiday slump. This year fate had other ideas and decided I should be on a roller coaster ride from the onset.

An easy start for the first couple of days and then the roller coaster ride began on the Friday. Late in the afternoon I received an unexpected teams call from my manager. She was letting me know that she had handed in her retirement notice, this was not totally unexpected as the past couple of years have been difficult and the frequency of her frustrations had been increasing. During the ensuing discussion I received a message on Bumble inviting me out for a drink from a lady I'd been chatting with since November. Despite only having been on 2 dates I knew I liked her and wanted to see how things progressed, so I confirmed back that I'd love to and we arranged the date.

After the weekend I was on 2 roller coaster rides. The first is a ride using my experience already gained in my job to continue what I love and take over as much as I can handle from my manager. She's prepared me for this over the almost 10 years I've worked with her in our 2 person team. It's daunting and I have my doubts at times but I know I can only do my best.

The second roller coaster is the one that scares me the most. Since the Friday I have been on several dates with the lady and we are still keeping things casual while we decide where we want to take things. I'm happy with this arrangement for the moment but I'm struggling with my emotions. Due to prior arranged family and friend events I've hardly seen her during the past 2 weekends other than a brief evening  on the Friday a week ago. I want to see her more but I don't want to pressure her into anything. I'm scared I'll either come over as too pushy and over eager, only interested in one thing or not interested enough. I know that I'm doing everything right but it's a struggle when I know I like her a lot more than I can actually tell her at the moment.

So yes January has been an incredibly long and very testing month. I don't want to get off the ride but I would like to know where it's leading me.

Celebrations - Past, Present and Future

When I saw the prompt I wasn't sure I'd be able to put something down in writing as I wasn't sure what to write. The past few years I've struggled to celebrate special occasions, mainly due to lockdowns, isolations and the general mood of the past 2 years. Over the years I've had some memorable celebrations so I thought I'd list them or at least what I remember.

18th Birthday 1988

So as birthday parties go this is definitely up there as a memorable one. I thought the planning was meticulous for my 18th birthday, arrangement had been made through friends to have the party at one of their houses. Little did I know that I was being deceived and the real party was being planned under my nose by my friends and my parents. I was delivered to a friends house on the day of the party unaware that I would then be driven back to my own house later in the day for the real party. The party itself was a standard teenage hormone fuelled affair with drinking and loud music. Memorable because the shy bumbling me lost my virginity.

21st Birthday 1991

Drunken games of pool, pizza and a possibility I ran along Southend Seafront wearing nothing but a sock. Memorable because I don't actually remember it clearly.

Wedding Day June 1996

The celebration actually began the day before when I spent part of the evening with some work colleagues in The Blind Beggar pub in Whitechapel. Little did I know the significance until the next evening.

The wedding day began with a shaky start as nervousness kicked in I failed to keep food down. The ceremony itself went without a hitch and the wedding lunch went ok, even if I didn't eat much of it. Come the evening and the reception went off without a hitch and I managed to eat something before our first dance so I didn't feint. Leaving the reception we were driven to our hotel and began our married life together. Memorable because I spent the rest of that night pulling bobby pins and gypsophila from my wifes hair whilst watching The Krays on TV (this is the link to the evening before as it was a pub they frequented). Memorable because my first time on a plane was flying to my honeymoon in Jersey the next day.

February 1999

The short lived celebration of the birth of my second child. A birth is a celebration of life but when a child is born with multiple congenital abnormalities it becomes a fraught time for the parents. Looking back I realise that the odds were greatly against us from the start and we were living on hope. This may sound heartless but I know that had he survived it would not have been an easy life or any life at all with the abnormalities. I still celebrate the birthday each year but with tears instead of joy.

30th Birthday 2000

Last big gathering of friends/family before people moved away, split, splintered etc. Memorable because it was old friends, new friends and family all together.

40th Birthdays 2010

Not many people can say they had an orgy for their birthday but that's what happened to me. We were at the swingers club we went to regularly and I was made to sit in a chair in the middle of the bar area and received several lap dances from a couple of the ladies. We then joined 5 other couples in one of the rooms for a very memorable evening of carnal pleasure.

Since then the celebrations have been low key due to various reasons. The most recent major celebration was my daughters 18th birthday in January 2020 where I spent most of the day cooking food for the buffet. A busy day followed by a fun evening. Sadly the only other major birthday that year, my 50th was a quiet subdued affair due to being in lockdown and also being on furlough. To date I've still yet to celebrate it properly and not entirely sure if I will.

I'm not sure what future celebrations will be as my life is very much in flux at the moment. I would like to be able to celebrate the birthday of my new lady friend but as I write this it's only been 3 weeks since we changed the direction of our relationship. This will be the first weekend I've not seen her for at least a few hours due to family functions, but I'm hoping to see her on her birthday to deliver her card. Her present will be delivered to her directly during the day.

How I Knew I Was And Have Always Been Kinky

So I've alluded to kink in my bio but when the question appeared for Five Things I reviewed what I'd written. I've condensed those and added bits I'd missed. I think I've always been kinky due to my inquisitive nature and thirst for knowledge when I find a subject interesting. Some of the kinks were purely coincidental of the situation others were knowingly tried but nevertheless they are all valid as I'm still growing and finding other kinks to explore to this very day. There are other kinks but this is a taster and affirmation that I have always been and will continue to be KINKY 😁

Exhibitionism

At the end of June 1998, at a party somewhere near Lakeside I had my first sexual encounter and unknowingly a foray into exhibitionism (my first kink 😊). I'd been chatting with the girl who's party it was and getting along fine when someone came up and whispered in her ear. The next thing I know she's pointed out that her friend in the skimpy shorts fancied me, as the skimpy shorts walked out into the garden. She pushed me towards the door and whispered "go for it". Anxiously I headed to the garden as that never happened to me before. Well the anxiety soon disappeared when she grabbed my arm and took me to a dark corner. The rest is a blur but I was informed that our friends came looking for us an hour later when we'd not been seen inside for a while 😀 Fast forward 4 weeks and I'm laying in the middle of a field near Lakeside just a short distance from the M25 with the girl who's party it was fingering her as someone walks their dog on the outskirts.

March 1994 I'm with my wife to be at a friends flat, watching a film with my hand inside her top, teasing her nipples and bringing near to an orgasm (exhibitionist mode activated).

90s was the  of the progression of the exhibitionist streak, from the humble beginnings in the field in the 80's to being in our garden late at night with my wife in long coat and thigh high boots. The thrill of getting caught and being seen will always be a draw. Christmas 95 also saw us experiment with adult photography in the form of nudes, toys and sex.

Swinging/Group Sex/Threesomes

January 2007 another journey of discovery began. It had only been a few weeks from signing up on the website to our first meet. A true baptism of fire when we responded to an ad for last minute meet up as they'd been let down. Well in truth a couple had dropped out. A quick chat between the girls on the phone and we frantically showered and headed off all smartly dressed to enjoy our first MMMMMFF. Yes we jumped in at the deep end and other than nerves from me we had a great time. Two days later we had arranged to go for a meal and then to a swingers club with a couple we'd been chatting with for nearly 2 weeks. This encounter almost put a stop to everything due to miscommunication, lack of chemistry between the other partners and ending up in separate rooms. Thankfully we got through this minor setback and embarked on some memorable times and gained some good friends along the way.

In April we met a couple local to us (walking distance of where we lived) through the website and embarked on a mutual friendship that introduced us to several things, none of which I have any regrets about other than the fact we lost contact with them. Firstly I learned my tongue and fingers will be described as magical for the first time, and continue for many years to come. The female was pregnant and I managed to make her orgasm uncontrollably, and yes I would do it again to any woman who asked. To this day I still have a thing for pregnant women as there is just something special and magical about the power they hold.

Over the next few years we had a lot of fun and experienced many things from MMF to separate room swapping to voyeurism to orgies to BBC. We encountered many people with whom we became friends. We drove to various points of the country to see the people we made friends with via the website and its chatrooms. Midlands, Lincolnshire, Wiltshire and Surrey all have special memories but two stand out, a late night trip to London with another couple to visit a guy they knew who extremely well endowed at 12 inches. I've not seen one so big since. The second was a threesome with another guy in Wiltshire which was broadcast live into the chatroom via webcam.

Gangbangs

At the start of 2011 after several weeks of planning we attended our first gangbang. The drive to the location of the event was a little nerve wracking and only made worse by traffic.
Eventually we arrived and were greeted at the door by the other lady participant and organiser of the event and her partner. The girls department to another room to get changed whilst I chatted with the partner to check there were no hiccups and all was ready as planned. Entering the main area I noticed about a dozen or so males casually sat around in chairs and large cushioned platform for the girls. After about 5 mins the girls entered and proceeded to put a bit of a show for the guys before inviting them to join in, which they eagerly did. Overall the night was a good success and also paid quite nicely.

A few weeks later we received a message asking to meet us both to discuss a proposition. The actual proposition was actually to work one night every couple of weeks at a club which held regular gangbangs. Well it was a simple opportunity and would usually 4 girls so the ratio would always be 3-4 to 1 which is fairly standard. Needless to say we took the chance and enjoyed making new friends and a bit of money as well.

BDSM

Some point in the early 2010s I developed an interest in BDSM. It started initially as restraints and light spanking and then a collar & leash and a crop were added to the repertoire. Since then I have added wax play, nipple & clit clamps/suckers and a ball gag/restraint to the list. I'm not a natural sadist but when the mood takes I can be cruel but attentive.

Rope

This is very new to me but has been an intrigue for many years now. Back in the summer of 2021 I bought my first length of rope and then didn't use it due to various circumstances. At the start of 2022 I purchased my first rope book and as of writing this I have attempted my first bit of rope work. It's not pretty but it's a start and I was quite pleased I managed it as it's all one handed.

Not A Selfie

I hate taking selfies as I struggle to smile for them. However I had an idea whilst doing yoga and taking inspiration from one of Molly's pictures I decided I should try a self portrait. Following yoga today I decided to take the following, no thrills, no toys, just me and the camera.

Wanting, Longing, Waiting (These Things)

I want to kiss her

I want to hold her

I want to smell her

I want to feel her against my skin

I want to do these things and not be afraid

I long to kiss her again

I long to hold her again

I long to smell her again

I long to feel her against my skin again

I long to do these things again as I’m no longer afraid

I wait to kiss her again

I wait to hold her again

I wait to smell her again

I wait to feel her against my skin again

I wait to do these things again because I'm not afraid to anymore

Hands

Hands that touch

Hands that hold

Hands that are hot

Hands that are cold

Hands that wander

Hands that stay still

Hands that caress

Hands that thrill

Hands that are smooth

Hands that are rough

Hands that are gentle

Hands that are tough

Use them wisely

Use them for love

Under the covers

At the end of the year I made a promise to myself to participate in a full year of Sinful Sunday. I nearly didn't manage it as I've been so busy with changes to my work life and balancing fitness and changes in my personal life. However I came up with an idea this morning and put it into action, and then went back to sleep for another hour 😊 

Back to Basics - Restart and Revitalise

Nothing prepares you for the stress of online dating. It is a heartless, soul destroying environment. I'd given up expecting to find someone. A couple of friends had told me I needed to take a step back and stop looking for perfect or Miss Right after I vented my frustration to them. So that's exactly what I did, I stopped looking for what I thought I wanted and just looked. At the start of November things began to change, I had two matches and had been on dates with both. The second match faded as quickly as it started but the first one remained.

We managed just 2 dates in total by the end of the year due to various commitments, family, Christmas, my dad being taken ill. However, we continued to chat daily and I just enjoyed that chat, if anything I'd gained another friend. We talked about trying to go on walks or just grabbing a coffee but Christmas was busy and start of the year was the same.

Then on Friday 7th January two events occurred that have revitalised and renewed me. First my boss of 9 years announced her retirement, naturally this has a major impact on me as we're a two person department. The next few months will be chaotic at times, probably stressful but I have to rise to the occasion as she's been preparing me for this moment. As my boss was telling me I received an unexpected invite to go out for a drink, a 3rd date. Once I'd finished chatting to my boss I replied to the message and stated that I need a drink, and explained to her why as we'd already talked about it during our messages. We agreed a time and place to meet and set about getting ready.

We met outside the agreed pub but it was not as quiet as I remembered so we wandered to a more quiet one. Finding a free table out of the way we sat down, removed our coats and she what I'd like to drink before heading to the bar to get them. While she stood at the bar I noticed her wiggle. It was a nervous wiggle but I found it quite sexy but tried not to stare too much. She came back to the table with drinks and we started chatting away. 

The chat progressed it became more open and honest. During this we both admitted that the things we missed the most being single were cuddling, kissing, hand holding and being intimate or sex for a better word. At this point I took her hand and told her that I'd wanted to hold her hand on our walking date and she asked me why I hadn't. I told her that I didn't because I'd held back because of my past and as we were being so frank and open I proceeded to tell her about being a swinger and kink. Thankfully she did not judge me, she just took it all in and said everybody has a past.

Finishing our drinks we left the pub and walked down the high street still chatting and getting to know each other. Conversation flowed and before we knew it we'd reached the end, turned round and proceeded to walk back. Eventually we stopped near the pub and were just people watching. I took the opportunity to hug and hold hands as it was pretty cold out. Unable to hold back any longer we kissed. It was a clumsy kiss, but nevertheless it was a tentative first kiss and a much needed and longed for kiss. We kissed a couple of times more and then parted ways. Needless to say I slept that night but my mind was racing and taking in the events of the day.

Saturday morning came and I woke at my usual time but instead of lazing in bed I got up after having a cup of tea and went and did the shopping trip I to do. I ate breakfast and started on a few bits of housework. At some point around lunchtime I received an unexpected message asking if I'd like to watch a film together. I did not hesitate in responding stating that I would love to. We agreed a time and I made my way to hers as she was making focaccia for a family birthday the next day. The film took a lot longer to watch as we stopped each time the bread needed attention and then would chat for a while and kiss. We shared takeaway, a glass of wine and just enjoyed each others company.

As I type this we have just finished another date. We took a walk round a local RSPB sanctuary, went for coffee and finished with shopping. I got to spend most of the day with a lady I'm getting to know, willing to wait for and just see where it leads us. At the least I have gained a friend and I'm ok with that. I'm hoping we become more but only time will tell.

My biggest take on this though is that I feel refreshed, reinvigorated and revitalised. Sometimes things happen when you least expect them but as I've stated in a previous blog 'Everything happens for a reason'. I look forward to the journey ahead as I embrace it with open arms and know that this new path is yet another chapter in my life that I have partial control of.

A Look At The Past

This past week has been full of surprises but a chance conversation and a simple comment got me thinking. At Christmas I dug out the dinner jacket I'd not worn for over 10 year, today I put on a shirt that I've not worn one since January 2020 when the pandemic was in it's early stages.

Coffee Dates

In the latter half of last year I had four coffee dates/meets/catch ups, should have been five but we didn't end up having coffee properly due to her fracturing a wrist and spending a day sat outside the urgent care unit for most of the day. I've recapped as best I can but I will say I enjoy a coffee date as it brings friends together, provides you with date experience which I was sorely lacking and can lead to unexpected adventures.

Dates 1 and 2 are friendships confirmed and renewed

Date 1

My first coffee date was not in fact a date at all. It was a promised meet at the end of August in Nottingham with a fellow tweeter who I have chatted with on and off for many years now. We'd both been through bad times over the past few years and chatted via dm's, checked in on each other to make sure we were doing ok and generally venting when we needed to. We were both in good places emotionally so we knew there'd be no crying on each others shoulders.

As I waited in the centre of Nottingham I became anxious with the usual thoughts 'will she like me', 'will we get on' and my usual one 'will I fuck it up'. I shouldn't have worried though because as soon as we saw each other I knew we'd be fine. A quick hug and small talk and we headed off to grab coffee and a sandwich before wandering the streets of Nottingham for a few hours chatting easily. We stopped in another quiet coffee shop for a second coffee and more chat. Before we knew it the time for me to depart had arrived, we walked to where my car was parked and after more chat we parted ways with a hug. That day I met a good twitter friend and pleased to say we maintain that friendship.

Date 2

Yet again not a date but coffee involved. This time I was meeting up with a fellow tweeter/good friend who I had met a couple of times before near the end of October to help her out. I'd not seen her for a few years due to personal circumstances and timing issues (a running theme with us as our first planned date didn't happen and it took us 4 years to rearrange it). We agreed to meet in the fabulous location of Lakeside Shopping Centre. 

As soon as I saw her and the infectious smile I knew all worries would disappear for a few hours as no matter how I'm feeling emotionally she always cheers me up. As it was busy due to school holiday time we decided to find a quiet coffee shop and sit and chat. And chat we did, we caught up on things and then decided to wander the shops for a bit. We lost track of time but eventually had to part ways, so I walked her to her car, hugged and said goodbye. As I walked back to my car I was content knowing I'd had a good afternoon and helped a wonderful friend out when she needed.

Dates 3 and 4 are actual dates with different outcomes

Date 3

A proper coffee date at the end of October. I'd been chatting with a lady on Bumble for a few days when the mention of a date came up. All my previous chats on dating apps had stumbled when I'd suggested meeting for coffee, so when it was suggested to me I was hesitant but said yes as we had been communicating so well. We decided on a locally owned coffee shop in town on the Saturday morning.

Saturday came and I arrived outside at the time agreed. As I waited the doubt started creeping in, was I doing the right thing? My phone buzzed and a message appeared apologizing for running late and struggling to find the place as she'd not been to this one before. As I looked up from my phone I noticed someone further up the street looking for something, I instantly recognised my date from one of her profile pics and walked up to greet her. We entered the coffee shop and had to sit at a table as all the seating was taken. We ordered a tea, coffee and a scone (with cream and jam) and then proceed to chat about many things for the next two hours. After we hugged goodbye and agreed we had a good time and hoped to do it again soon. We managed to get together for a walking date the next week but have not been able to see each other since due to pre-christmas plans etc. However we do still chat every day and are trying to get that next coffee date sorted.

Update 08/01/2022 - When I started writing this I was not expecting to get a date in before I published it. As I sit here on the Saturday morning I'm positively buzzing from a drinks date in which we opened up about what we wanted and shared our first kiss.

Date 4

Another proper coffee date but this time in the middle of November. I'd been chatting with a lady for a few days after she messaged me on OKCupid. She was quite open about wanting to meet and making the first approach as she felt all things should be equal in dating when it comes to starting a connection. We decided to meet up at a location near her which was an hours drive from me.

We met up in the car park and wandered round the town chatting before settling into a Costa coffee. We sat and continued the chat and eventually the conversation turned to discussing kink at which point we discovered we had a lot in common. Eventually the date came to an end but the conversation continued on text throughout the rest of the day and the next. Alas it was not to be as on the Tuesday I received a text saying she didn't think we were compatible and wished me good luck in finding what I want.

Senses

Seeing the prompt for the first Sinful Sunday in January being I wondered how I would manage to put into action an idea I'd had for a while now. I've always wanted to just lay back and be part of a sensory journey. Putting together the words was easy but the image itself required a bit of daring and experimentation. It's not perfect but neither am I.

Senses

Blindfold me so I cannot see what is coming next

Whisper in my ear the things you're going to do to me

Tease me with your hands, mouth and toys provided

Let me smell your scent and how turned on you are

Taste me as you make me cum while I do the same to you

Kiss me and share our rewards

Use my body for pleasure and surrender yourself to me

Cuddle me and sleep contented in my arms