Back to Basics - Restart and Revitalise

Nothing prepares you for the stress of online dating. It is a heartless, soul destroying environment. I'd given up expecting to find someone. A couple of friends had told me I needed to take a step back and stop looking for perfect or Miss Right after I vented my frustration to them. So that's exactly what I did, I stopped looking for what I thought I wanted and just looked. At the start of November things began to change, I had two matches and had been on dates with both. The second match faded as quickly as it started but the first one remained.

We managed just 2 dates in total by the end of the year due to various commitments, family, Christmas, my dad being taken ill. However, we continued to chat daily and I just enjoyed that chat, if anything I'd gained another friend. We talked about trying to go on walks or just grabbing a coffee but Christmas was busy and start of the year was the same.

Then on Friday 7th January two events occurred that have revitalised and renewed me. First my boss of 9 years announced her retirement, naturally this has a major impact on me as we're a two person department. The next few months will be chaotic at times, probably stressful but I have to rise to the occasion as she's been preparing me for this moment. As my boss was telling me I received an unexpected invite to go out for a drink, a 3rd date. Once I'd finished chatting to my boss I replied to the message and stated that I need a drink, and explained to her why as we'd already talked about it during our messages. We agreed a time and place to meet and set about getting ready.

We met outside the agreed pub but it was not as quiet as I remembered so we wandered to a more quiet one. Finding a free table out of the way we sat down, removed our coats and she what I'd like to drink before heading to the bar to get them. While she stood at the bar I noticed her wiggle. It was a nervous wiggle but I found it quite sexy but tried not to stare too much. She came back to the table with drinks and we started chatting away. 

The chat progressed it became more open and honest. During this we both admitted that the things we missed the most being single were cuddling, kissing, hand holding and being intimate or sex for a better word. At this point I took her hand and told her that I'd wanted to hold her hand on our walking date and she asked me why I hadn't. I told her that I didn't because I'd held back because of my past and as we were being so frank and open I proceeded to tell her about being a swinger and kink. Thankfully she did not judge me, she just took it all in and said everybody has a past.

Finishing our drinks we left the pub and walked down the high street still chatting and getting to know each other. Conversation flowed and before we knew it we'd reached the end, turned round and proceeded to walk back. Eventually we stopped near the pub and were just people watching. I took the opportunity to hug and hold hands as it was pretty cold out. Unable to hold back any longer we kissed. It was a clumsy kiss, but nevertheless it was a tentative first kiss and a much needed and longed for kiss. We kissed a couple of times more and then parted ways. Needless to say I slept that night but my mind was racing and taking in the events of the day.

Saturday morning came and I woke at my usual time but instead of lazing in bed I got up after having a cup of tea and went and did the shopping trip I to do. I ate breakfast and started on a few bits of housework. At some point around lunchtime I received an unexpected message asking if I'd like to watch a film together. I did not hesitate in responding stating that I would love to. We agreed a time and I made my way to hers as she was making focaccia for a family birthday the next day. The film took a lot longer to watch as we stopped each time the bread needed attention and then would chat for a while and kiss. We shared takeaway, a glass of wine and just enjoyed each others company.

As I type this we have just finished another date. We took a walk round a local RSPB sanctuary, went for coffee and finished with shopping. I got to spend most of the day with a lady I'm getting to know, willing to wait for and just see where it leads us. At the least I have gained a friend and I'm ok with that. I'm hoping we become more but only time will tell.

My biggest take on this though is that I feel refreshed, reinvigorated and revitalised. Sometimes things happen when you least expect them but as I've stated in a previous blog 'Everything happens for a reason'. I look forward to the journey ahead as I embrace it with open arms and know that this new path is yet another chapter in my life that I have partial control of.