It's been just over 2 months since I last participated in a Sinful Sunday due to varying factors. The past few months have been mentally draining and I lost the inclination or drive to do anything creative. Today I pushed myself to do something and ultimately reflect on what I can do rather than tell myself I can't.
So back at the end of August I lost the creative buzz I was exploring due to events at the time and since. I had lots of ideas and things I'd planned to do but have failed to do any of them due to this block. I'm hoping that by listing the things that have happened along with the things I'd planned to do I'll find some way back.
The last full week in August I took some much needed holiday time away from home and my first time on my own with nobody else with me. Plans were simple, meet up with a couple of people, explore the surrounding towns and just generally get out and about with my camera. Unfortunately those plans derailed the first evening and have set the tone of my mood since.
After a wonderful afternoon wandering the streets of Nottingham, drinking coffee and chatting with a twitter friend I headed to the hotel where I was staying. And so begins the derailment.
I'd only gone a few miles before I got stuck in very slow/non moving traffic due to a heavy rain storm passing through the area I was headed, this added 45 minutes onto my journey effectively doubling the time it should have taken. The storm had further consequences to my holiday unknown to me at the time but would soon make become clear.
Eventually I made it to the hotel and into my room. Due to the weather my plans for eating in the hotel were scuppered and so I had to go to the McDonalds situated just a short walk away. Before heading to eat I received a text message from the friend I was meeting the next day asking if I'd be able to help her out with a trip to urgent care as she'd slipped over in the rain earlier, managed to put her arm out to slow her fall but had landed on it awkwardly and was in some pain.
I quickly went off to get food before heading to my friend. Whilst eating my food I received a phone call from my son to let me know that one of the cats wasn't well and asking about the vet details, shortly after this I get a text saying the vet is out of hours and they are heading to the emergency vet services with the cat. Finally I finish my food and head to my friend who up until this point I've only spoken with on the phone as the plan was originally meet up for coffee on the Monday morning and then decide the day from there.
I pick my friend up and we head off to the urgent care and find they can't do x-rays after 5pm. We decide it's better to wait until the morning rather than spend a Sunday evening in A&E so we headed back and watched a film. While watching the film I received a phone call letting me know the cat was not doing well and I would need to decide on the best course of treatment, my neighbour who works at the emergency vet took over the call and filled me in on the details as to what had been happening and to wait a call from the vet who had been treating her. In one big turnaround I go from being the help and support to my friend to being the one needing the emotional support. Sadly I had to make the decision to put the cat to sleep as she really was unwell.
And so day 1 of my holiday drew to a close and other than the trip to Nottingham nothing had gone to plan. However I did get to spend some time with my friend getting to know her which was nice. Day 2 was less dramatic with most of it spent at the urgent care centre with my friend getting assessed, x-rays and finally a cast put on her arm as she had fractured it when she fell in the rain. The remainder of the day was spent watching some more films together and just ensuring my friend was comfortable.
Day 3 I took my friend into work for her shift at the Costa she worked in. It was a fairly uneventful day and I wandered around the local town whilst she worked or at least attempted to as best she could with her arm in a cast. I popped into the Costa for my lunch to see how she was doing and it was frustrating watching her struggle because the manager had insisted she come into work. When her shift was finished we headed back to hers and spent a third evening watching films together. After our final evening together we decided that we liked each other but there was no spark to pursue a relationship. I think that with everything that had gone on I was more concerned about making sure she was ok than anything else. We still chat everyday via Whatsapp and we've said we'll meet up again when I'm back in that part of the country.
The remainder of my holiday was spent wandering along the river of a local town and a canal as well. Although I managed to take pictures of the wildlife and landscape I was distracted by the events of the past few days and wasn't feeling particularly creative anymore.
Since my holiday I have bumbled my way through day to day things due to the onslaught of life catching up and knocking me for six at every opportunity. Anything from my father's myeloma flaring up, his parkinsons getting worse, my son becoming unemployed (what little time I had to myself working from home is now non-existent unless I take myself to my bedroom for peace and quiet), yet another let down and ghosting on an online dating app and finally catching up with an old friend after 27 years to discover her health is not great.
Overall I just feel helpless and completely unfocussed. I've tried to continue with planned projects (more creativity with my pics especially those for various meme blogs and also writing a product review for a Tenga product) but to no avail. The only thing I've managed was to take my friend out for a long afternoon at a seafront we used to go to back in our late teens/early twenties.
This is the first successful attempt at writing of any sort for seven weeks now. Whether it's because I'm writing on something I've experienced or going through, and despite the words flowing steadily I don't know if it's good, bad or indifferent. I want to get back to how I was during the summer but not sure when that will happen. I struggle to push my creativity at the best of times but this time I'm feeling slightly lost without it.
So almost 2 years ago I entered a pic into Sinful Sunday entitled "Vulnerability" and received a lot of supportive comments. I recently started feeling the same again and reviewed the post, it was short and to the point of how I was at the time.
This time that vulnerability is a mix of things as well as the same dread of dating. Some are recent events that I've played a major part in and have been self destructive. I've lost someone I considered a good friend by becoming obsessed with a scenario in my mind, and know I have only myself to blame. If I could turn back time and correct my heinous mistake I would, but I can't and know I have to live with it, learn and move on. Others are the continued failure to connect with someone for dating or casual fun, not getting responses to intro emails or past a conversation.
However, the final vulnerability is one I've opened up myself. I realise that I needed to overcome some issues and find myself. To achieve this I've had to push hard and allow myself be vulnerable by trying new things and test my photography skills with brutal honesty in both my skills and self critique but also allow others to critique my photos as well. To this end I'm trying to blog more, take more pics and actively be part of a community if they'll accept me.
I had an idea to try and capture my vulnerability but afterwards it dawned on me that the most accurate take is a standard non-posed picture as we are most vulnerable in everyday situations. However everyday situations do not capture how I feel so here is the picture that succeeds in doing that.
" I am what I am
And what I am needs no excuses" - La Cage Aux Folles
When the tweet went out for the latest Kink of the Week I was happy. It was a subject I could write about but which one was the question. Would it be the time my ex and I had a single male who we knew well spend the night with us in a hotel in Birmingham? Maybe the time after the swingers club in Birmingham where we ended up with six of us in the room? Maybe the time I was just the photographer/videographer for the three girls in a cramped hotel room in London? No these were shared experiences which although good have somewhat tainted memories now. I had to draw on my own personal experiences of which two sprang to mind. My first time with another couple from Twitter with me being the extra male was good, but the memory is vague.
The filmed but unscripted maid encounter for use on a couple of adult sites wins outright for a new enjoyable experience. I still have the full unedited video and also the short clips which were used on the sites.
Room Service +
I entered the hotel room looking to freshen up from a busy morning. What I didn't expect was to discover the maid busy making the bed. Ordinarily this wouldn't be an issue but it was late afternoon, I was looking forward to a nap and I was not expecting her to be there. She was apologetic and admitted she was behind on her duties. Smiling at her I said that was fine and let her continue to work on the bed.
While she continued making the bed I could not take my eyes off her. Her constant wiggling and adjusting of her skirt was distracting enough, but the flashing of underwear was something else and very deliberate. As I approached the bed she looked up and asked if there was anything else she could help with. I was taken aback by this brazen question but taking a chance I asked if there were other services she provided.
Coming round to my side of the bed, she bent over and continued to adjust the sheets. I could not resist placing my hands on her scantily clad buttocks and squeezing them gently, she looks over her shoulder and says "My you're very hands on" but offers no resistance. Instead she forces herself back and starts to grind against my crotch. The grinding continues as she presses hard and says she can feel my cock getting harder.
Turning round she grabbed the waist of my trousers and pulled me towards her. She started to undo my belt and with a voracious grin said "We call this Room Service Plus". With a few quick movements she had undone my belt, trousers and lowered my boxers to reveal her work so far. Taking hold of my cock in one hand she licked the tip, sending shivers through me before enveloping it with her luscious red lips. After several minutes of teasing with tongue and mouth, she knelt up and kissed me whilst still holding my cock in her hands.
Not wanting this to be selfish and one-sided I moved my hand between her legs with every intention of teasing her like she was teasing me. I let out a gasp of surprise as my hand found the bulge of a rather hard cock instead of the expected mound of a pussy. The gasp did not go unnoticed so I told her she was full of good surprises. Undeterred I wrapped my hand around her pantie covered cock and teased her just how she was teasing me. After several minutes of kissing and teasing she pulled away and suggested I get more comfortable and take my clothes off.
After removing my clothes, including my socks as I'm not a heathen I made my way to the bed. Before I could climb on she rolled over onto her front and took my cock in her mouth and resumed sucking with more passion and abandon than before. Our inhibitions were falling away as we started to enjoy the moment. She eventually stopped and lay back showing me her excited nipples and slightly intimidating cock which was larger than mine. I lay down beside her and took hold of her exposed cock and slowly worked my hand up and down the shaft. She commented on my good technique but I just replied "It's just practice from being on my own for many years". I then asked if she would like the same treatment she'd provided to me so far before sliding my mouth over her cock. Up until now I had never sucked another cock but knew it would not be the last.
All the while I sucked on her cock she offered guiding words of encouragement, like when to suck harder, when to use my tongue and when to ease off. She then asked me to suck on her tits, which were barely engorged nipples but I was having too much fun to care so did as she asked. I did this for several minutes hearing her moans of pleasure whilst maintaining a slow steady hand movement on her cock.
Her attention shortly returned to me and she proceed to lick the head of my cock savouring the pre-cum that had built up. Then her tongue proceeded to lick up and down my shaft making me twitch at the sensation before she stopped and said "Would you like to fuck me?" and proceeded to turn round and kneel on all fours. Unable to resist I pull her panties to one side and started to lick between her cheeks and rim her hole with my tongue ensuring it gained plenty of lubrication. Soon this was enough and I started to fuck her ass slowly at first but increasing rhythm as her moans of pleasure got louder.
After several minutes of doggy style she rolled onto her back to get a bit more comfortable. This created the opportunity for me to not only remove her panties and continue to fuck her but also play with her beautiful cock at the same time. As much as I enjoyed doing both she took control of her cock to enable me to concentrate on fucking her harder. Alternating between deep slow strokes and quick hard ones we were soon close to orgasm. She realised I was close and got herself back on all fours presenting her ass and telling me to cum there which I did with pleasure.
After a few busy weeks where I've not been able to get out for a walk after work due to weather, mood, shopping or dad taxi I was missing the countryside.
This week I managed to get out twice and felt all the better for it. I have always enjoyed being out in the wild and I find it mentally relaxing when I most need it. And oh boy did I need it, as the pressure of working on several interlinked projects was taking it's toll.
For my second walk of the week I opted for one of the routes that has some secluded spots hoping to get some pictures and enjoy that exhibitionist/naturist streak I have. Taking inspiration from some of the excellent nature shots on last weeks themed Sinful Sunday, I found a quiet spot that allowed a view of the main path without drawing attention to what I was doing.
Shortly after I'd stopped taking pics 3 people walked along the main path and not one of them spotted me in a semi dressed state 😀
I found the prompt "Extreme Angle" for Sinful Sunday a creative challenge that actually got me starting to enjoy my photography again. After a near two year lull where I hardly thought about the picture being taken I had a focus. I enjoyed thinking of the shot and composition and it was just another step on the road to regaining my confidence and finding out who I am.
I took many different shots in different poses. Some were good and some weren't, choosing one I truly liked was hard but hopefully this captures the essence of the prompt. Sadly a good caption eludes me.
