How I Knew I Was And Have Always Been Kinky

So I've alluded to kink in my bio but when the question appeared for Five Things I reviewed what I'd written. I've condensed those and added bits I'd missed. I think I've always been kinky due to my inquisitive nature and thirst for knowledge when I find a subject interesting. Some of the kinks were purely coincidental of the situation others were knowingly tried but nevertheless they are all valid as I'm still growing and finding other kinks to explore to this very day. There are other kinks but this is a taster and affirmation that I have always been and will continue to be KINKY 😁

Exhibitionism

At the end of June 1998, at a party somewhere near Lakeside I had my first sexual encounter and unknowingly a foray into exhibitionism (my first kink 😊). I'd been chatting with the girl who's party it was and getting along fine when someone came up and whispered in her ear. The next thing I know she's pointed out that her friend in the skimpy shorts fancied me, as the skimpy shorts walked out into the garden. She pushed me towards the door and whispered "go for it". Anxiously I headed to the garden as that never happened to me before. Well the anxiety soon disappeared when she grabbed my arm and took me to a dark corner. The rest is a blur but I was informed that our friends came looking for us an hour later when we'd not been seen inside for a while 😀 Fast forward 4 weeks and I'm laying in the middle of a field near Lakeside just a short distance from the M25 with the girl who's party it was fingering her as someone walks their dog on the outskirts.

March 1994 I'm with my wife to be at a friends flat, watching a film with my hand inside her top, teasing her nipples and bringing near to an orgasm (exhibitionist mode activated).

90s was the  of the progression of the exhibitionist streak, from the humble beginnings in the field in the 80's to being in our garden late at night with my wife in long coat and thigh high boots. The thrill of getting caught and being seen will always be a draw. Christmas 95 also saw us experiment with adult photography in the form of nudes, toys and sex.

Swinging/Group Sex/Threesomes

January 2007 another journey of discovery began. It had only been a few weeks from signing up on the website to our first meet. A true baptism of fire when we responded to an ad for last minute meet up as they'd been let down. Well in truth a couple had dropped out. A quick chat between the girls on the phone and we frantically showered and headed off all smartly dressed to enjoy our first MMMMMFF. Yes we jumped in at the deep end and other than nerves from me we had a great time. Two days later we had arranged to go for a meal and then to a swingers club with a couple we'd been chatting with for nearly 2 weeks. This encounter almost put a stop to everything due to miscommunication, lack of chemistry between the other partners and ending up in separate rooms. Thankfully we got through this minor setback and embarked on some memorable times and gained some good friends along the way.

In April we met a couple local to us (walking distance of where we lived) through the website and embarked on a mutual friendship that introduced us to several things, none of which I have any regrets about other than the fact we lost contact with them. Firstly I learned my tongue and fingers will be described as magical for the first time, and continue for many years to come. The female was pregnant and I managed to make her orgasm uncontrollably, and yes I would do it again to any woman who asked. To this day I still have a thing for pregnant women as there is just something special and magical about the power they hold.

Over the next few years we had a lot of fun and experienced many things from MMF to separate room swapping to voyeurism to orgies to BBC. We encountered many people with whom we became friends. We drove to various points of the country to see the people we made friends with via the website and its chatrooms. Midlands, Lincolnshire, Wiltshire and Surrey all have special memories but two stand out, a late night trip to London with another couple to visit a guy they knew who extremely well endowed at 12 inches. I've not seen one so big since. The second was a threesome with another guy in Wiltshire which was broadcast live into the chatroom via webcam.

Gangbangs

At the start of 2011 after several weeks of planning we attended our first gangbang. The drive to the location of the event was a little nerve wracking and only made worse by traffic.
Eventually we arrived and were greeted at the door by the other lady participant and organiser of the event and her partner. The girls department to another room to get changed whilst I chatted with the partner to check there were no hiccups and all was ready as planned. Entering the main area I noticed about a dozen or so males casually sat around in chairs and large cushioned platform for the girls. After about 5 mins the girls entered and proceeded to put a bit of a show for the guys before inviting them to join in, which they eagerly did. Overall the night was a good success and also paid quite nicely.

A few weeks later we received a message asking to meet us both to discuss a proposition. The actual proposition was actually to work one night every couple of weeks at a club which held regular gangbangs. Well it was a simple opportunity and would usually 4 girls so the ratio would always be 3-4 to 1 which is fairly standard. Needless to say we took the chance and enjoyed making new friends and a bit of money as well.

BDSM

Some point in the early 2010s I developed an interest in BDSM. It started initially as restraints and light spanking and then a collar & leash and a crop were added to the repertoire. Since then I have added wax play, nipple & clit clamps/suckers and a ball gag/restraint to the list. I'm not a natural sadist but when the mood takes I can be cruel but attentive.

Rope

This is very new to me but has been an intrigue for many years now. Back in the summer of 2021 I bought my first length of rope and then didn't use it due to various circumstances. At the start of 2022 I purchased my first rope book and as of writing this I have attempted my first bit of rope work. It's not pretty but it's a start and I was quite pleased I managed it as it's all one handed.

Not A Selfie

I hate taking selfies as I struggle to smile for them. However I had an idea whilst doing yoga and taking inspiration from one of Molly's pictures I decided I should try a self portrait. Following yoga today I decided to take the following, no thrills, no toys, just me and the camera.

Wanting, Longing, Waiting (These Things)

I want to kiss her

I want to hold her

I want to smell her

I want to feel her against my skin

I want to do these things and not be afraid

I long to kiss her again

I long to hold her again

I long to smell her again

I long to feel her against my skin again

I long to do these things again as I’m no longer afraid

I wait to kiss her again

I wait to hold her again

I wait to smell her again

I wait to feel her against my skin again

I wait to do these things again because I'm not afraid to anymore

Hands

Hands that touch

Hands that hold

Hands that are hot

Hands that are cold

Hands that wander

Hands that stay still

Hands that caress

Hands that thrill

Hands that are smooth

Hands that are rough

Hands that are gentle

Hands that are tough

Use them wisely

Use them for love

Under the covers

At the end of the year I made a promise to myself to participate in a full year of Sinful Sunday. I nearly didn't manage it as I've been so busy with changes to my work life and balancing fitness and changes in my personal life. However I came up with an idea this morning and put it into action, and then went back to sleep for another hour 😊 

Back to Basics - Restart and Revitalise

Nothing prepares you for the stress of online dating. It is a heartless, soul destroying environment. I'd given up expecting to find someone. A couple of friends had told me I needed to take a step back and stop looking for perfect or Miss Right after I vented my frustration to them. So that's exactly what I did, I stopped looking for what I thought I wanted and just looked. At the start of November things began to change, I had two matches and had been on dates with both. The second match faded as quickly as it started but the first one remained.

We managed just 2 dates in total by the end of the year due to various commitments, family, Christmas, my dad being taken ill. However, we continued to chat daily and I just enjoyed that chat, if anything I'd gained another friend. We talked about trying to go on walks or just grabbing a coffee but Christmas was busy and start of the year was the same.

Then on Friday 7th January two events occurred that have revitalised and renewed me. First my boss of 9 years announced her retirement, naturally this has a major impact on me as we're a two person department. The next few months will be chaotic at times, probably stressful but I have to rise to the occasion as she's been preparing me for this moment. As my boss was telling me I received an unexpected invite to go out for a drink, a 3rd date. Once I'd finished chatting to my boss I replied to the message and stated that I need a drink, and explained to her why as we'd already talked about it during our messages. We agreed a time and place to meet and set about getting ready.

We met outside the agreed pub but it was not as quiet as I remembered so we wandered to a more quiet one. Finding a free table out of the way we sat down, removed our coats and she what I'd like to drink before heading to the bar to get them. While she stood at the bar I noticed her wiggle. It was a nervous wiggle but I found it quite sexy but tried not to stare too much. She came back to the table with drinks and we started chatting away. 

The chat progressed it became more open and honest. During this we both admitted that the things we missed the most being single were cuddling, kissing, hand holding and being intimate or sex for a better word. At this point I took her hand and told her that I'd wanted to hold her hand on our walking date and she asked me why I hadn't. I told her that I didn't because I'd held back because of my past and as we were being so frank and open I proceeded to tell her about being a swinger and kink. Thankfully she did not judge me, she just took it all in and said everybody has a past.

Finishing our drinks we left the pub and walked down the high street still chatting and getting to know each other. Conversation flowed and before we knew it we'd reached the end, turned round and proceeded to walk back. Eventually we stopped near the pub and were just people watching. I took the opportunity to hug and hold hands as it was pretty cold out. Unable to hold back any longer we kissed. It was a clumsy kiss, but nevertheless it was a tentative first kiss and a much needed and longed for kiss. We kissed a couple of times more and then parted ways. Needless to say I slept that night but my mind was racing and taking in the events of the day.

Saturday morning came and I woke at my usual time but instead of lazing in bed I got up after having a cup of tea and went and did the shopping trip I to do. I ate breakfast and started on a few bits of housework. At some point around lunchtime I received an unexpected message asking if I'd like to watch a film together. I did not hesitate in responding stating that I would love to. We agreed a time and I made my way to hers as she was making focaccia for a family birthday the next day. The film took a lot longer to watch as we stopped each time the bread needed attention and then would chat for a while and kiss. We shared takeaway, a glass of wine and just enjoyed each others company.

As I type this we have just finished another date. We took a walk round a local RSPB sanctuary, went for coffee and finished with shopping. I got to spend most of the day with a lady I'm getting to know, willing to wait for and just see where it leads us. At the least I have gained a friend and I'm ok with that. I'm hoping we become more but only time will tell.

My biggest take on this though is that I feel refreshed, reinvigorated and revitalised. Sometimes things happen when you least expect them but as I've stated in a previous blog 'Everything happens for a reason'. I look forward to the journey ahead as I embrace it with open arms and know that this new path is yet another chapter in my life that I have partial control of.

A Look At The Past

This past week has been full of surprises but a chance conversation and a simple comment got me thinking. At Christmas I dug out the dinner jacket I'd not worn for over 10 year, today I put on a shirt that I've not worn one since January 2020 when the pandemic was in it's early stages.