Missing

I awoke suddenly in the middle of the night and became acutely aware that something was missing. There was an empty space beside me in the bed, but having been single for 5 years this is no surprise. It was however most unsettling as the thing that woke me was flashbacks to better, kinky times.

Being single what I miss the most is the intimacy of being cuddled up to someone at night, the connection of being with them and the contentment of being myself with someone special.

Will I ever find someone to explore each others fantasies and desires with, find that balance between day-to-day life and nighttime fun?

After 21 years of being with someone and a further 5 being separated/single I can honestly say that dating scares the hell out of me. I struggled with it in my late teens and early twenties and I'm not sure I'm fairing any better now. All my insecurities about height, build and what I'm after just overshadow it. What chance do I have being nowhere near the unrealistic image that women on dating sites seem to want? What chance do I have of finding someone who will accept me for who I am, kinks and all?

If only they could see me now

Throughout my teens I struggled with bullying because of my size (short and slight build). Nowadays I’m still conscious of my size and more so now I’m dipping my feet into the dating pool (not confident but it’s a start).

However I find myself in an unusual frame of mind when it comes to showing my body to others, an exhibitionist part of me kicks in and majority of fear subsides. Is this due to the bullying? Who knows but it’s now a part of me that’s fairly confident, just a shame this confidence doesn’t transfer to dating.

Sinful Sunday - Feeling Cheeky

Getting braver with photos of myself and realising I'm more of an exhibitionist than I care to admit at times. I edited the pic using some of the filters on Picasa and happy with the outcome.

Vulnerability - Sinful Sunday

Woke up feeling vulnerable this morning, dating is still as hard as I remember it was when I had youth on my side

Everything Happens For A Reason (And Actions Have Consequences)

I hadn't planned to do an entry for the Food For Thought Friday  'Words To Live By' but here I sit on a Sunday morning after a flood of thoughts deluged me during sleep.

I've always thought the saying 'Everything Happens For A Reason' was just that but during unsettled moments of sleep I started wondering. *note* I took a break to have a shave and realised that I need to add the saying 'Every Action Has A Consequence' to this as they are interlinked

Life is a game of decisions, some are simple, others are gut-wrenching hard. These decisions are sometimes thrust upon us requiring a quick response, or they are the result of research, discussion and debate.

These decisions however minor affect us down to the lowest level of our subconscious, and we may not even be aware of them. For example you may decide to skip your morning coffee/tea and breakfast. No big deal, or is it? That simple decision leads to mid morning hunger, making it difficult to concentrate on an important presentation, leading to key details missed, leading to someone else getting what you'd worked hard for.

Scary isn't it? Now apply that same train of thought to the sexual/sensual side of your life and see how far back you can go.

I can trace my journey back to 1984 when as a shy and somewhat geeky teen I viewed my first (hardcore) pornographic magazine. If I hadn't seen the pages of that small book I'm not sure I'd be sat here writing this. It sparked my curiosity into sex which has led me to where I am today.

I won't go into the fine details as I'm in the process of adding a bio to my blog which features this.

So my conclusion is, yes everything happens for a reason. Not always obvious reasons but it happens.

M

F4TFriday - Taboo

There are many things that are considered taboo, but none moreso than acts of sexual fetish. These are looked upon as the realm of perverts, freaks and degenerates. And so I hold my hands up and say quite proudly "I'm a perverted degenerate freak".

To be clearer I'm a freak who likes Urolagnia - 'sexual pleasure from urine/urination' or in more common terms 'Watersports, golden showers or piss play'. Add to this the joy of desperation and wetting and I'm up there in the list of pure and utter filth.

Many of you are already going eewww, yuck and making other noises to that effect. I get it, I really do, you're thinking how could someone get pleasure from waste bodily fluids? Simple, the same way others get pleasure from spanking, slapping, fisting etc., we are all different in what we like.

Looking back I realise that unknowingly my parents contribute to my openminded state. Mum was never one to worry about popping in to use the toilet if we were in the bath/shower or just washing ourselves at the sink. Many a time my parents admitted to "borrrowing" my stash of porn magazines and video tapes.

I'm still not 100% sure when I got into it, although I'm fairly certain it was my late teens/early 20s. As for how that's a simple one, intrigue. If I find something intriguing and want to know more I'll look it up on the internet, it's how I learnt to make women squirt and gush. Back then though we didn't have the internet as it is now but we did have porn magazines. Initially I found an occasional 'hardcore' magazine that featured girls peeing and found it oddly alluring. As time went on I actively sought out those magazines that featured it more and discovered more about it. The images were stylish and sexual but I was still intrigued and wanted to see it in action.

The next step of my journey was finding videos, not an easy task in the UK due to the censorship rules. Eventually a trip to Amsterdam paid dividends when a 4 pack of tapes we purchased had several pee scenes.These tapes were used sparingly when we were feeling particularly horny (or at least I was), but sadly they met their demise when the video machine chewed up each one in succession.

One evening my partner at the time was feeling particularly horny and we started taking naughty pics as you do. As the evening wore on and we drank more she started fidgeting and suddenly said "get the towels and plastic sheet". I didn't hesitate to do just this as I realised it was possibly the only opportunity I would get for a while. I laid the sheet and towels down and she got on her haunches so I started taking pics. I got the occasional splash and found this to be a bigger turn on than expected, feeling brave I pushed my luck and licked her when she stopped and also enjoyed the taste. From then on I was hooked.

Nowadays I've had very little opportunity to explore this due to being single for 4 years as I write this. I still look at the videos online and the ones I've purchase but I also view them for some of the artistry, and the way they use lighting to full effect to make it incredily sexy and sensual.

So yes I'm a Pee Freak and looking for another Pee Freak for fun and photos.

Sinful Sunday

Early morning coffee

My first try at a Sinful Sunday. Prompted to put the camera on the floor I had to think where best to place it. Not the best pic but it's a start